My head is giving me life or death but I can't choose...
Mood: Frustrated
Listening To: Foo Fighters - "Best Of You"
"I've got another confession, my friend, I'm no fool
I'm getting tired of starting again somewhere new
Were you born to resist or be abused
I swear I'll never give in, I refuse
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you
Has someone taken your faith
It's real, the pain you feel"
Sing it, Dave, sing it. I've put up with more bullshit in the past few days than I think I have in my entire life. Tiff told me that she put in her two weeks with 'Freeland's' citing many reasons, but why doesn't bother me as much as her leaving in general does. It seems that every time I seem to get comfortable in life, something happens and I've got another fiend swaggering about the back of my mind. With her leaving I really don't have anyone there that I have a personal relationship with. Josh, Jenn, Nicole, Matt, Michael (both 'Betty' and 'Dot'), and Nina; all gone. I guess shit like this just gets me thinking of all people that I let get close and then they disappeared. Damn it, it's depressing… Liz came to visit me and that was a bit of a cheery thing. She brought Kimberly with her, she is growing up so fast, and I'm just speechless. The people interested in my screen play shot down the ending again, so looks like I'm back to the drawing boards. I think I'm going to put it back in the closet again, maybe pull it out on some rainy day. My new layout is coming along, but still far from being good enough for me to put into place. I don't know. I may just scrap all the stuff I'm working on and just take a break, there is just so much shit going on right now that I can't seem to find any kind of focus. Thing's tend to get really frustrating when the people you want to see won't have anything to do with you, and your so fucking lonely you just don't know what to do anymore. Bleh, there are points in time when I begin to question everything that is me, and while I think it's perfectly healthy to lose faith once in a while, there are things I've not done in quite some time that I beginning to question if I'll ever find the time/strength/patience/ability/opportunity/will/courage. My conscience has really been bugging me lately too, I lied to someone close to me about something stupid, and to apologize would put me into such an awkward situation that I'd probably end up shutting myself away and becoming a recluse for the rest of my days. I guess I'm just tired of people complaining about things that I am and things that I desire like I’m some lump of coal. Ergh... Fuck, fuck, shit, fuck, damn it.
Listening To: Foo Fighters - "Best Of You"
"I've got another confession, my friend, I'm no fool
I'm getting tired of starting again somewhere new
Were you born to resist or be abused
I swear I'll never give in, I refuse
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you
Has someone taken your faith
It's real, the pain you feel"
Sing it, Dave, sing it. I've put up with more bullshit in the past few days than I think I have in my entire life. Tiff told me that she put in her two weeks with 'Freeland's' citing many reasons, but why doesn't bother me as much as her leaving in general does. It seems that every time I seem to get comfortable in life, something happens and I've got another fiend swaggering about the back of my mind. With her leaving I really don't have anyone there that I have a personal relationship with. Josh, Jenn, Nicole, Matt, Michael (both 'Betty' and 'Dot'), and Nina; all gone. I guess shit like this just gets me thinking of all people that I let get close and then they disappeared. Damn it, it's depressing… Liz came to visit me and that was a bit of a cheery thing. She brought Kimberly with her, she is growing up so fast, and I'm just speechless. The people interested in my screen play shot down the ending again, so looks like I'm back to the drawing boards. I think I'm going to put it back in the closet again, maybe pull it out on some rainy day. My new layout is coming along, but still far from being good enough for me to put into place. I don't know. I may just scrap all the stuff I'm working on and just take a break, there is just so much shit going on right now that I can't seem to find any kind of focus. Thing's tend to get really frustrating when the people you want to see won't have anything to do with you, and your so fucking lonely you just don't know what to do anymore. Bleh, there are points in time when I begin to question everything that is me, and while I think it's perfectly healthy to lose faith once in a while, there are things I've not done in quite some time that I beginning to question if I'll ever find the time/strength/patience/ability/opportunity/will/courage. My conscience has really been bugging me lately too, I lied to someone close to me about something stupid, and to apologize would put me into such an awkward situation that I'd probably end up shutting myself away and becoming a recluse for the rest of my days. I guess I'm just tired of people complaining about things that I am and things that I desire like I’m some lump of coal. Ergh... Fuck, fuck, shit, fuck, damn it.
Alan hit play @ Monday, July 18, 2005
0 Comments:
Post a Comment