A 1000 a day for the rest of my days
Currently Listening To: The Killers - Mr. Brightside (Thin White Duke Remix)
Feels: Apathetic
A thousand words a day this could be a very serious challenge for me, but in the same regard I am a rather creative guy and I think that if I put my mind to it I'll be able to get the job done, though I think that it would be a little easier if I had some booze. Why the hell did I give all that beer to Kori? Why the hell did I leave that party? Now Kristin is mad at me and I have no idea how to go about making things right. I'd like it if we could hang out like we had been, but now there is the whole thing about my feelings for her being out in the open. Ergh... I need some sage-like advice and of course as for usual there is no one around to ask for advice; all the same though these thousand words a day is going to be tough. I know that I should probably just keep to myself and give Kristin her space, but I'll be damned if I just let her disappear again. I mean after graduation I didn't lose just a crush, I lost one of my good friends, a confidante if you will; and to be honest I seem to have lost all of them at this point in my life. From another angle though, I'm not asking Kristin to make things serious between us, I just think that a nice dinner then maybe a show or movie and a goodnight kiss would be a great next step for her and I, or maybe me going over to her place and cooking a nice dinner then maybe throw in a chill movie and relax (actually that last one would make me one of the happiest guys on the planet. What can I say I'm a romantic...) It's not like I'm saying let's get into a serious thing here, (I've never been fond of giving things titles, as people tend to have strict regulations as to what is what; although contrary to this I think that without some sort of definition there is no sense of progress or organization). I guess the best way for me to put it is that I'm tired of people telling me how great I am, I've always felt that they never truly mean what it is they say ( I take every thing with a grain of salt). I really would just like to get the opportunity to prove that I am what people say I am, and I think that finding something stable in my life is the best way to shout to the world that, "yeah, I am a great guy."
Tiff and I went to steak and shake after work last night and had a good little talk about the Burb. It was a nice way to relax after a shift, but I don't think that I'm completely over her just yet, I mean there are questions that I want to ask, but I know I'm not ready to hear the answers to them. I suppose that I should at least attempt to write something of merit instead of sitting here and ranting about all the things I disagree with. A thousand words... damn where to start.
There is no such thing as an 'ageless tale'; there are no great romances, no stories of love that exist in the real world. There are only the cheap tawdry graces of what is shared between two hearts; that and the everlasting dreams of the fools who wear their hearts on their sleeves. Sometimes these fools are brave enough to tell the world what it is exactly that they hope to find as there are few among men who are willing to share their treasure and maybe in showing what it is they are looking for, what they seek becomes that much clearer. They begin to see that maybe what they want and what they get is one in the same, they just never considered that which is right under their nose. Still there is always the one that got away, the one whose eyes we never grow weary of peering into, the one whose touch we never put out of our minds, the one whose silken skin forever haunts our dreams, whose tresses we never fail to remember the touch and smell of. We may all move on and find someone new, but in our minds, tucked ever so carefully away are those we always treasure, kept fondly in that feeling you have when you awake on a cold winter's morn and lie there wrapped in your warm blanket's staring out the window. That white powder lays a serene beauty and peace over the land, and you casually think about how you can spend the whole day there. You think how to move, nay even to think of climbing out of bed would annihilate this wonder, this oh-so simple heaven. Then your significant other rolls over and reminds you of some errand or chore; or maybe your dog begins to paw at your door, or leaps upon your bed and begins to slather your face in unabashed and unconditional love. You see, all things are bound to fail and die, that is merely the cycle of life. All that any of us can do is hope that tomorrow that warmth will last a little longer, that the snow will still lay its soft cottony magic upon the land, that there will be no chores, no errands, and no best friends diving upon your serenity to lick away your attention from the happiness you've found.
Crap, I had to stretch even that and I'm no where close to a thousand words; not to mention the lovely rant that I started this entry with. The more and more that I look at my life, the more and more I begin to see that growing up isn't so much becoming more mature, it's forgetting the things our parents instilled in us as children so that tomorrow is more about who and what we are as individual's. The only flaw in this is then why do we instill these values into our own children, if they are only destined to pay less and less attention to them as they grow older. Answer: Hope. Hope that they will be different, that they will lead happy perfect lives where they will never have to worry about a thing. If only it were true.
1088.
Feels: Apathetic
A thousand words a day this could be a very serious challenge for me, but in the same regard I am a rather creative guy and I think that if I put my mind to it I'll be able to get the job done, though I think that it would be a little easier if I had some booze. Why the hell did I give all that beer to Kori? Why the hell did I leave that party? Now Kristin is mad at me and I have no idea how to go about making things right. I'd like it if we could hang out like we had been, but now there is the whole thing about my feelings for her being out in the open. Ergh... I need some sage-like advice and of course as for usual there is no one around to ask for advice; all the same though these thousand words a day is going to be tough. I know that I should probably just keep to myself and give Kristin her space, but I'll be damned if I just let her disappear again. I mean after graduation I didn't lose just a crush, I lost one of my good friends, a confidante if you will; and to be honest I seem to have lost all of them at this point in my life. From another angle though, I'm not asking Kristin to make things serious between us, I just think that a nice dinner then maybe a show or movie and a goodnight kiss would be a great next step for her and I, or maybe me going over to her place and cooking a nice dinner then maybe throw in a chill movie and relax (actually that last one would make me one of the happiest guys on the planet. What can I say I'm a romantic...) It's not like I'm saying let's get into a serious thing here, (I've never been fond of giving things titles, as people tend to have strict regulations as to what is what; although contrary to this I think that without some sort of definition there is no sense of progress or organization). I guess the best way for me to put it is that I'm tired of people telling me how great I am, I've always felt that they never truly mean what it is they say ( I take every thing with a grain of salt). I really would just like to get the opportunity to prove that I am what people say I am, and I think that finding something stable in my life is the best way to shout to the world that, "yeah, I am a great guy."
Tiff and I went to steak and shake after work last night and had a good little talk about the Burb. It was a nice way to relax after a shift, but I don't think that I'm completely over her just yet, I mean there are questions that I want to ask, but I know I'm not ready to hear the answers to them. I suppose that I should at least attempt to write something of merit instead of sitting here and ranting about all the things I disagree with. A thousand words... damn where to start.
There is no such thing as an 'ageless tale'; there are no great romances, no stories of love that exist in the real world. There are only the cheap tawdry graces of what is shared between two hearts; that and the everlasting dreams of the fools who wear their hearts on their sleeves. Sometimes these fools are brave enough to tell the world what it is exactly that they hope to find as there are few among men who are willing to share their treasure and maybe in showing what it is they are looking for, what they seek becomes that much clearer. They begin to see that maybe what they want and what they get is one in the same, they just never considered that which is right under their nose. Still there is always the one that got away, the one whose eyes we never grow weary of peering into, the one whose touch we never put out of our minds, the one whose silken skin forever haunts our dreams, whose tresses we never fail to remember the touch and smell of. We may all move on and find someone new, but in our minds, tucked ever so carefully away are those we always treasure, kept fondly in that feeling you have when you awake on a cold winter's morn and lie there wrapped in your warm blanket's staring out the window. That white powder lays a serene beauty and peace over the land, and you casually think about how you can spend the whole day there. You think how to move, nay even to think of climbing out of bed would annihilate this wonder, this oh-so simple heaven. Then your significant other rolls over and reminds you of some errand or chore; or maybe your dog begins to paw at your door, or leaps upon your bed and begins to slather your face in unabashed and unconditional love. You see, all things are bound to fail and die, that is merely the cycle of life. All that any of us can do is hope that tomorrow that warmth will last a little longer, that the snow will still lay its soft cottony magic upon the land, that there will be no chores, no errands, and no best friends diving upon your serenity to lick away your attention from the happiness you've found.
Crap, I had to stretch even that and I'm no where close to a thousand words; not to mention the lovely rant that I started this entry with. The more and more that I look at my life, the more and more I begin to see that growing up isn't so much becoming more mature, it's forgetting the things our parents instilled in us as children so that tomorrow is more about who and what we are as individual's. The only flaw in this is then why do we instill these values into our own children, if they are only destined to pay less and less attention to them as they grow older. Answer: Hope. Hope that they will be different, that they will lead happy perfect lives where they will never have to worry about a thing. If only it were true.
1088.
Alan hit play @ Monday, July 04, 2005
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